Dear Single: You’re Not Behind. You’re Becoming.

Dear You, the One Who’s Single Right Now,

We want to speak to that quiet part of you, the one that sometimes wonders if you’re doing something wrong. The part that watches others in relationships and questions if you're missing a step or taking too long. The part that wants love but also wants to be wise about it.

We want to tell you something important:
Being single is not a detour. It is not a delay. It is not a void.
It is a space where clarity, healing, and intention live. And it’s a space you’re allowed to explore fully, not rush through.

As therapists, we often sit with people in this season. Some are aching for connection. Some are relieved to be alone. Many are somewhere in between. But nearly all of them are asking the same core questions:

• What kind of love do I really want?

• Will I recognize it when it comes?

• And who do I want to be inside that love?

These are powerful questions and you’re allowed to ask them without needing to answer them all at once.

You Are Allowed to Want More Than Just a Relationship

Let’s name something out loud: Being single doesn’t mean you’re lacking love. In fact, many single people are surrounded by deep, sustaining love, through friendships, family, creative work, or spiritual connection.

But you may also want romantic love. A partnership. A place to land and be seen.

That desire is valid. You don’t need to downplay it. And you also don’t need to settle for something that makes you shrink, question your worth, or abandon yourself.

So instead of focusing on finding someone, this season can be about refining your vision of what love looks like in your life.

Exploring the Relationship You Want

Here are some prompts we often give clients to help them explore:

When you imagine a loving relationship, what do you feel in your body?
Is it calm? Excitement? Safety? Warmth? Is it passion mixed with peace? Tension mixed with fun? Your body may already know what feels good, or what doesn’t.

What kind of relationship would allow you to show up fully as yourself?
What parts of you do you want to bring to love? Which parts do you often hide? And who would make it feel safe to be seen?

What boundaries or non-negotiables do you want to carry forward?
These may be based on past wounds or hard-earned lessons. Honor them. They are guideposts, not walls.

What are your patterns in love, and which ones are ready to change?
Do you over-function? People-please? Chase? Retreat? There’s no shame here, just an invitation to explore and grow.

How do you want to feel with someone?
Not just how they look or what they do, but how being with them impacts your nervous system, your creativity, your voice, your rest.

Love Is a Skill You Can Practice Now

You don’t need to wait for a partner to build the skills that healthy relationships require. Right now, you can practice:

• Communicating boundaries clearly

• Asking for what you need, even if your nervous or unsure

• Tending to your emotions instead of bypassing them

• Noticing what drains or feeds you emotionally

• Being present, curious, and kind in your everyday relationships

You’re not “waiting.” You’re training your nervous system to recognize what safe, reciprocal love feels like so that when it shows up, it won’t feel foreign or too good to be true. It will feel earned and true to you.

Gentle Truths to Hold Onto

• You are not behind. Love doesn’t run on deadlines or age charts. It doesn’t lose value the longer it takes.

• You don’t need to prove you’re worthy of love. You already are. The right relationship won’t ask you to audition for acceptance.

• You are allowed to enjoy this season. To grow deeper into yourself. To rest. To heal. To flirt. To travel. To say no. To rediscover what makes you feel alive.

• You can want a relationship and still live a beautiful life in the meantime.

You’re Not Just Waiting for Love—You’re Becoming the Version of Yourself Who Can Receive It

And that’s sacred work.

If you need help making sense of your past relationships or just want to practice showing up as your whole self, therapy is a powerful place to begin. You don’t need to be broken. You just need to be curious and ready.

You deserve a love that meets you as you are, not just as you perform to be.

Written by Amy Leon, LMFTA, MBA

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Associate

Schedule an appointment with Amy today.