Dear New Parent: Navigating the Early Days
Written by a therapist, for you - the new parent trying your best.
Dear New Parent,
First, take a breath. A full one. In through your nose, and out, slow through your mouth.
You’re here. You’ve entered a beautiful, chaotic, awe-inspiring, and often overwhelming season of life: new parenthood. Whether your baby is a few days or a few months old, whether this is your first child or your third, everything has changed. And no matter how much you’ve prepared, the emotional landscape may be surprising, and the impact on your relationship even more so.
As therapists who work with couples, we want to share something that many new parents aren’t told enough: It’s not just you. And you don’t have to do this alone.
The Transition to Parenthood is a Relationship Earthquake
According to decades of research, 67% of couples report a decline in relationship satisfaction within the first three years after having a baby. That’s a big number. And yet, it’s not often talked about.
Why does this happen?
Because babies, while deeply lovable, don’t come with instruction manuals or time-off coupons. They disrupt sleep, routines, roles, intimacy, and even identity. And that disruption shakes the foundation of your relationship.
But here’s the hope: You can build resilience, connection, and even deeper love—with intention.
Three Therapeutic Tools to Support You Right Now
1. Turn Toward Instead of Away
It’s easy to miss each other in the busyness. One partner sighs while changing yet another diaper, and the other makes a comment about how tired they are. These are what we call bids for connection, tiny moments where one of you is reaching for the other.
Turning toward might sound like:
“That diaper blowout looked rough. Do you want to tag out for a few minutes?”
“You mentioned feeling off earlier. Want to talk about it before bed?”
A hand on the back while passing each other in the kitchen.
It’s the small things. The moments that say, I still see you.
2. Make Space for Stress-Reducing Conversations
We encourage couples to have “stress-reducing conversations” that aren’t about the baby, bills, or household chores. Just check-ins about how each of you is really doing. This isn’t problem-solving time - it’s about empathy, not fixing.
Some prompts:
“What’s been on your mind lately?”
“What’s something that’s felt hard or heavy this week?”
“What’s something you need more of from me right now?”
You don’t need to have these conversations daily, but setting aside even 10–15 minutes a few times a week can re-anchor you.
3. Remember You’re a Team (Even If It Feels Uneven Right Now)
New parenthood often brings imbalance. One partner might feel like they’re carrying more of the mental or physical load. The other might feel shut out or unsure how to help. This is where repair attempts become essential, small gestures, apologies, or acknowledgments that help you course correct.
Try:
“I snapped earlier, and I’m sorry. I’m just so tired. Can we try again?”
“I don’t always know how to support you, but I want to. What would help right now?”
“Let’s figure out how to divide night duties more evenly this week.”
Gentle Reminders
You are still partners, not just co-parents. Find one small ritual of connection you can reclaim, coffee together in the morning, a shared playlist, a five-minute cuddle before bed.
Touch matters. Even a quick hug or shoulder squeeze maintains closeness when you’re too tired for more.
You’re allowed to need help. Therapy isn’t just for “problems”, it can be a place to rebuild and reimagine your relationship together in this new chapter.
You’re Doing Better Than You Think
There is no perfect parent, and certainly no perfect partner. What matters most is not avoiding missteps but knowing how to recover from them and continue choosing each other.
So, to you, new parent: take care of yourself, take care of each other, and remember, love grows here, even when things feel messy.
With care, Therapists who see you